Barfly

Yes Yes people! Born 20th June 1982 (same Birthday as Lionel Ritchie and Brian Wilson watch out fellas!) at West London hospital in Hammersmith. At age 2, visited the white cliffs of Dover with parents and my dad nearly (accidentally) dropped me over the edge. Only survived due to a strong grip for a toddler. Same strong grip would later be used to hold microphones and female arses tightly. Attended All Saints Primary School in Fulham High St and was good at Maths, Art and Poetry. Some people took the piss out of my big lips. Who's laughing now you supermarket trolley attendant fuckfaces!? After buying Snoop Doggs Doggystyle album I penned my first rap verse aged 11. I'll slaughter your daughter and knife your wife. My mum looked worried but embraced me still. Attended ADT College, Wandsworth. More peeps took the piss out of my lips (and teeth). Who's laughing now you drug-pushing stolen-Golf GTI-driving wastemen! Wait that aint a bad lifestyle is it. Anyways. Aged 15 entered a rap battle at a house party in Shepherds Bush. Completely destroyed a useless wanker and a fight broke out so I sprinted home. You get me. Year 2000: attended Royal Holloway University Of London to study film directing. Started Garage MCing to make some money. Didn't make much. Banged many trim ladies. Met Rusher. Thought he was a tosser. He thought I was a tosser. Despite this we made a concept album in the Film Departments audio booth. 2001: went to New York City and in an expensive restaurant I shook hands with Stevie Wonder in the mens toilets. Not in a George Michael sorta way. I told him he was very talented. He told me I was gonna be BIG. Graduated. Moved to Australia by myself for a year. Did lots of landscape gardening and work on scaffolding. Met bare idiots with mullets and learnt a lot about myself and BBQs. Grew my hair. Learnt to surf on my last day in the country. Moved back to London, decided I wanted to be a professional rapper. Released 3 singles all by myself.